Thirty years ago, the Rolling Stones were asked to sing their hit song "Let’s Spend the Night Together" on the Ed Sullivan Show. Mr. Sullivan, however, asked them to modify the words to a more family-appropriate version: "Let’s Spend Some Time Together."
Popular culture has traced a long and reckless path since then, especially in its influence on our children. Much of today’s popular music, for example, is sexually explicit, graphically violent, obsessed with murder and dismemberment, abusive of women, and supportive of drug use. "Kill You," by the group Korn, vividly describes the lead singer’s fantasy of murdering his stepmother. A gangsta rap album by Wu-Tang Clan glorifies sodomy and violence.
Often unable to decipher the lyrics themselves, parents wonder if kids really listen to the words. "Absolutely," says Robert G. DeMoss Jr., the president of Entertainment Today, a Nashville-based organization that offers parents guidance in choosing entertainment. "Most eight-year-olds can sing the offensive lyrics by heart."
Consider, too, the magazines aimed at teenagers. Young people are keenly interested in reading about the music, movies, and fashions that define the pop culture of the day. These publications provide more than just the scoop on the coolest jeans and hottest bands. Many of them imply that teenage sex is OK, that graphic violence and offensive language in movies and music are the norm, and that parental authority is illegitimate. Says DeMoss, "Overall, they do nothing to build and support parents as the most important teachers of values and character--they’re the antithesis of family values."
Computers are fast becoming one of the most important conduits of pop culture for our children. But who would have imagined that computers could transport your child into the red-light district? Although the Internet opens up fabulous educational and entertainment worlds, the dangers are many. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children has documented dozens of cases of pedophiles using cyberspace to lure kids into sex. Meanwhile, kids can find and download graphic images of hard-core pornography. There are more than 16,000 sex Web sites with pictures, including at least 100 focusing on masochism, and more appear every day. Kids don’t even have to seek out these horrific Web sites: Porn peddlers buy lists of e-mail addresses that include minors and solicit them directly.
Fortunately, there are tools for parents to steer their children safely through these popular media:
Music Guidance
"Tune in to what your kids listen to," says Bob Waliszewski, manager of the youth culture department at Focus on the Family. "Then, sit down with them and discuss the values, character, and morality portrayed in the offensive music--and help them find alternatives." To get a comprehensive look at music--both the good and the objectionable--tune in to the following resources:
Plugged In • A monthly publication of Focus on the Family that identifies suspect albums and worthy alternatives. It also takes a close look at movies, television, and the Internet, and gives great advice on other parenting issues. Write to Focus on the Family Plugged In, Colorado Springs, Colo. 80995; annual suggested membership is $20.
Catholic Family Parent • "Loud and Clear," a music column in this bimonthly magazine, provides an excellent review of lyrics with excerpts, the authors’ judgment, and a parents’ advisory. Other columns review videos and books, and movie critic Michael Medved appears in each issue. Write to Catholic Family Parent, 200 Noll Plaza, Huntington, Ind. 46750; $18 per year.
Family Entertainment Review • This on-line guide to music (formerly a monthly print publication) reviews music popular with teenagers without judging it. Says editor David Baiz, "We take heat from both sides: parents who think we shouldn’t even be commenting on teen music and parents who want us to take a stand against certain choices." Despite the criticism, the reviews (on every type of music from R&B and rap to rock and country) are excellent. Each includes a brief summary of the lyrics and theme and notes offensive language. The Web site also includes a very helpful glossary of slang used in contemporary music. You can also call them in Los Angeles at 310-552-3301.
Learn To Discern by Robert G. DeMoss Jr. (Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Mich.) • An excellent book, recently updated, that explains how movies, music, cyberspace, television, and advertising affect our children. A must-read for all parents who want to appreciate the cultural milieu in which our children are being raised and what they can do about it.
Home Life • Published by the Baptist Sunday School Board, this monthly magazine carries a regular column by Robert G. DeMoss Jr. (see above) that offers another excellent review of popular music. He also covers the gamut of entertainment, including films, books, and youth magazines. Write to 127 Ninth Ave. North, Nashville, Tenn. 37234; $19.95 per year.
Parents Music Resource Center • Founded in 1985 to educate adults about the content of popular music, the center was responsible for persuading the recording industry to voluntarily affix warning labels to those tapes, CDs, and albums containing offensive material. Be advised, though, that the content of albums without a warning label isn’t necessarily good, and minors aren’t prohibited from purchasing albums with warning labels. Write for PMRC’s video "Rising to the Challenge," which exposes common themes of popular music: suicide, rape, murder, et cetera. Write PMRC, 1500 Arlington Blvd., Arlington, Va. 22209, or call 703-527-9466; $27.45 with shipping and handling.
Teen Magazines
Would you trust your teenagers with a publication that includes birth-control guides, an essay by a teenaged author in praise of her mom’s abortion practice, advice on how to make your date feel comfortable with sex, and, woven throughout, seductive advertising? Unfortunately, these are common editorial themes in nearly every issue of most teen magazines, including YM, Teen, and Seventeen. There are alternatives to these magazines, and they’re doing a great job of addressing popular culture in a manner acceptable to savvy adolescents. Excellent choices include:
Boy’s Life • Published monthly by the Boy Scouts of America, this magazine contains a wide range of articles of interest to all boys (not just Scouts), including some on sports, science fiction, history, science, traveling, and hobbies. There’s also quality fiction, jokes, and information on scouting. There are two editions, one for boys ages 7 to 11, and one for boys 11 and up. Write to Boy Scouts of America, 1325 West Walnut Hill Ln., Irving, Tex. 75015; $15.60 per year.
Brio • A monthly magazine for teenage girls published by Focus on the Family. Possibly the magazine that best emulates its more popular (but objectionable) sister magazines, Brio does a fabulous job of capturing its readers’ attention with information on fashion, celebrities, music, hair, nutrition, and exercise. It also covers deeper issues in the moralistic manner of the most concerned parent, yet avoids preaching. To subscribe, call 1-800-232-6459, or write to 8605 Explorer Dr., Colorado Springs, Colo. 80920; $15 per year.
Breakaway • A monthly similar to Brio, Breakaway covers topics that interest teenage boys--sports, dating, music, and the entertainment media in a fun, enticing way without compromising moral standards. As with Brio, it does so while preserving the parent as the most important educator of values and morals (without the kids noticing). Contact Focus on the Family (above); $15 per year.
Campus Life • A bimonthly for students in junior high school through college, Campus Life offers all the information and advice on dating, relationships, friendships, and music that adolescents crave, but couches it in the moral context of family and Christian values. A parent can feel safe that difficult questions directed to the advice columnist will be answered as the most discerning parent would, with a tone that reinforces parents as the most important authority figures for their children. Write to P.O. Box 3706, Boone, Iowa 50037-0060; $19.95 per year.
Clubhouse • A fun monthly magazine from Focus on the Family aimed at 8- to 11-year-olds, it includes science facts, comics, activities, good fiction, and also a lesson about Christianity. The pages are lively, well designed, and action-packed. Contact Focus on the Family (above); $15 per year.
Flashpoint • A quarterly Catholic magazine for high school students. Although it covers popular topics such as music, sports, and dating, Flashpoint also addresses deeper issues. "Our teen readers tell us they want to know more about careers and serious issues facing them," says publisher–editor Tom Toussaint. The majority of issues are distributed via Catholic high schools and youth groups (at greatly reduced rates), although single subscriptions are available. Write to 525 N. Quentin Rd., Suite 405, Palatine, Ill. 60067; $12 per year.
You! • A bimonthly Catholic magazine that captures teenagers’ attention with music, fashion, and celebrities on the cover. Adolescents identify with and try to emulate the lifestyles of these people; with this magazine, a parent can be confident that their children are identifying with stars of good character. You! also answers difficult ethical questions while preserving parental authority. It includes short takes on movies, music, celebrities, fashion, and current events, and injects religion in a very appropriate manner. Write to Veritas Communications, Inc., 31194 Baya Dr., Suite 200, Westlake Village, Calif. 91362; $19.95 per year.
Cyberspace
The beauty and curse of the Internet is that practically every thought ever thought is on it. Taming this vast, virtual world is impossible. "As offensive as some of it is, government regulation isn’t the answer to controlling what’s on it," says Wendy Simpson, the president of an on-line service for shielding kids. How, then, can parents protect their children from material they feel is unsuitable? Parents can follow at least seven principles for helping children surf the Net safely:
1. Install screening or blocking software and learn more about "child safety" rules on the Internet. Two Internet sites, Safe Kids Online, (www.safekids.com) and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (www.missingkids.com), offer on-line safety guides. Both America Online (AOL) and CompuServe, two major commercial on-line services that may soon join forces, have parental-control services. Several parental-control software packages including Net Nanny (http://www.netnanny.com/), CyberPatrol, CYBERsitter (http://www.pricecostco.com/pcc/tech/te995b.html), SurfWatch (http://www.surfwatch.com), and InterGo, block offensive sites by searching out content words designated by the user, but be aware that many do only a fair job of filtering. Test-drive these software options at a great family-friendly Web site, World Village (www.worldvillage.com/wv/school/ html/control.htm); if you like one, you can order the full version on-line. Most retail for $20 to $40.
X-Stop, one of the most recent players, has been called "foolproof" by Morality in Media. It compiles and updates a list of all the pornographic and obscene sites it can find and blocks your computer from accessing any of those specific Internet addresses. The firm claims to search a million Web sites per hour to locate new sites as soon as they surface. X-stop also offers a product that reads incoming e-mail, flagging what’s foul, and another product that stops kids from giving out vital information to their Web contacts.
2. Place the computer in a well-trafficked location and limit its usage. "Just as you wouldn’t put your kids alone in front of the television for any length of time, you shouldn’t do that with the computer," says Internet specialist Bonnie Bruno, a co-author of Internet Family Fun. In fact, she says, kids are far more likely to find offensive and pornographic material on the Internet than on television. Placing the computer amidst household traffic allows parents to monitor what their children tap into.
3. Surf with your kids, ferreting out and steering them into family-friendly Web sites. "If your kids are on the Internet, you need to be, too," says Bruno. Rely on the following books to locate good sites: Internet Family Fun by Bonnie Bruno with Joel Comm (no starch press, San Francisco), Learn To Discern by Robert G. DeMoss Jr. (see above), and Christian Cyberspace Companion by Jason Baker (Baker Books, Grand Rapids, Mich.). Here are some good sites to explore:
• World Village (www.worldvillage. com)--For a wide variety of games, activities and loads of family-friendly fun.
• Infoseek (www.infoseek.com)--A great way to search out topics for school projects.
• Fido! (www.clark.net/pub/soh/fido.htm)--Links to more than 500 family-decent sites on the Internet.
• Family Internet (www.familyinternet.com/index.html)--Offers cooking, travel, news, sports, pet information, and loads of other great stuff.
4. Investigate Internet access at school and the public library. Public libraries are becoming de facto pipelines for pornography on the Internet. Ask the library whether it blocks pornography with filtering software; if not, establish family rules about using computers with Internet access at the library.
5. Keep your kids out of most chat rooms. FBI Director Louis Freeh said recently in a statement to Congress, "Pedophiles often seek out young children by either participating in or monitoring activities in chat rooms. . . . There is no easy way for the child to know if the person . . . is another 14-year-old or is a 40-year-old sexual predator masquerading as a peer."
6. Support appropriate legislative efforts (that don’t give content control to the government). SafeSurf (www.safesurf. com), for example, is currently working on legislation that imposes penalties on people who seduce children on-line.
7. Watch out for strangers trying to entice your children to enter chat rooms or give out inappropriate personal information. Obligation, Inc. (www.obligation.org), a child-advocacy group based in Birmingham, Alabama, encourages schools to discontinue the in-class TV show called Channel One. This program urges schoolchildren to use its chat rooms, which encourage them to reveal personal information. Pat Ellis of Obligation, Inc. can be reached at 205-822-0080.
